Healthy dating advice
So, if you know you like doing your research before a big purchase but your partner is more impulsive, have that conversation before the car lease is up. “If we wake up and identify something we love or admire, that sets the tone.”Every couple fights, but fighting in a way that moves the conversation forward and clearly explains why you're feeling a certain way can make a difference.
Or, if you're more interested in investing in travel than saving up for a vacation home, be up front about your preferences so you can find a common ground.“My favorite piece of advice is the idea that every day we wake up and decide to feel affection towards our partner,” says psychotherapist Jennifer L. Silvershein recommends being specific about how your partner’s actions impact you.
For example, instead of saying that your partner is inconsiderate when they buy a mini fridge without consulting you, it’s better to say that when they make big purchases without talking to you first, you feel like they’re trying to hide things from you.
“Focusing on the issue rather than blame can allow for more effective problem solving and a team-based approach,” Cilona says.
Yet, this sets us up to be disappointed when our partner cannot fulfill our needs," says licensed family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago and author of Obviously, you should expect your partner to meet some of those needs, but the best friend one is complicated.
If you feel like your partner just isn’t best friend material for you, Klow recommends finding “healthy, alternative ways” to have that need met through others.
Sure, it might sound drab, but getting your "homework," or couple's maintenance out of the way during a designated conversation is better than having it sabotage a perfectly romantic meal. “Once you think that your feelings don’t matter, won’t be heard, or are not worth sharing, you open the door to harbor negativity and resentment.” That includes positive feelings, too, she points out—especially when they’re connected with your partner.For example, “When you forget to text when you'll be late, it makes me feel like you don't care.” “When we begin shifting our language to share how our partner's behavior makes us feel rather than just telling them what to do, I find that couples become more fluid and more aligned in their daily functioning,” she says. Sure, you and your partner have your own thing going on, and no one is perfect.