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If you do not tell others, no one will know you are a bisexual or bi curious in the daily life.But the underlying assumption, that threesomes are regularly on the sexual menu, isn't too uncommon. And then there are the people who decide I was never actually REALLY queer at all, that I was either a L. G — Lesbian Until Graduation — dating women because it was fashionable and edgy or because I was just confused.It defines "bisexual" as "can't be satisfied without both sexes at once," which is another, entirely different sexual identity. Nobody's actually congratulated my dude on "turning me" or "helping me make up my mind" — yet. People can be very uncomfortable with the concept of bisexuality as a permanent identity rather than a 'holding pattern' while you choose which gender you REALLY like. "Welcome to a contradiction of bi-and-married existence.Taking advantage of a right that many gay people still can't have — and aren't sure they want — can put a big wedge between yourself and your queer identity and community. If anything, the ease with which I could get hitched to a dude, and the sheer happiness that accompanied that act, makes me even more conscious of what it means to deprive other queer people of that right. That's a conversation that modern society is only just learning how to have: that commitment to one person is a continued choice, and that it's OK and healthy to think other people are cute.
Putting on the dress and the ring and legally binding yourself to a person of the opposite sex can wreak havoc not only on your gay credentials but on your own self-perception. Am I turning my back on the struggle of a minority? And then there's the concept that a lifetime with only one set of genitals for company is inconceivable for bisexual people. I've had some very concerned dialogues go something like this:"But how can you be happy with just one gender? I don't feel any mourning for my access to breasts, any more than I mourn for my access to other dudes. If I felt any urge to still be out squeezing them, I would not have walked down that aisle.
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